This research has scrutinised the beliefs and attitudes towards
male domestic violence in South Kivu. Nevertheless, its main objectives were
to:
· investigate the origins, categories and consequences of
domestic violence.
· review relevant literature concerning domestic abuse in
South Kivu province.
· work with some men to document the beliefs and attitudes
of men regarding domestic abuse in South Kivu.
· suggest some practical ways to address domestic violence
for seeking peace in South Kivu households.
The current research is about beliefs and attitudes towards
male domestic violence in South Kivu province. The research found that society
supports men's violent beliefs and attitudes in the home. According to the
participants, society, masculinity and power assertion are the main motives for
men to exercise violence in their homes. However, these include many others and
all of them link up for sustaining men's violent attitudes in homes.
Society: Most respondents avowed
that South Kivu society is the prime factor that supports domestic violence
because it embeds and protects all the other abusive behaviours. For them,
society initiates, nurtures, hosts and spreads violence in the minds of men.
Thus, society cannot punish domestic abusers. This neglect, that is impunity,
shows how domestic violence is not considered as a social menace despite the
heavy damages it causes to the victims. It is in this context that society
considers domestic violence as a typical family concern between the husband and
the wife and not a social one. This implies that society permits man's domestic
violence as his right. This, because, society tolerates and supports
domestic
violence as it has made it a culture the victims must bear.
Based on this view, respondents informed us that men are socially excused if
they are violent toward women but the opposite is not. Being a cultural
behaviour, abusers learn domestic violence from their environment. This infers
that men are not born abusers, but they learn it from their neighbourhood. When
men learn domestic violence from their peers, it means that society accepts it
as a norm among the men of a given community. Accordingly, respondents also
admitted that by peer pressure, men learn abusive attitudes and behaviours. It
is in this way that men influence others to drink alcohol and smoke in order to
abuse family members. Once drunk, the abuser becomes fearless, shameless and
insensitive. Once in this state, the abuser cannot control his violent
behaviour. With alcohol, the abuser will decline his premeditated application
of violence. Therefore, for him, violence was due to the alcohol and other
drugs he took. But this assumption remains unfounded because alcohol only
triggers the violence man has already fossilised. For domestic violent men,
alcohol consumption becomes the make believe for the wife to conclude that the
husband is abusive because of alcohol drinking.
Undoubtedly, man always wants to make his presence felt among
his peers of his group with explanations of his assertive attitudes towards his
family. In this way, the apprentice listens carefully and so, he learns the
different strategies and means to exercise violence in his home. A group member
who averts peer influence will be considered as unfriendly, anti-social and
therefore not a real man, revealed the interviewees. As a result, he becomes
subject to social ridicule, criticism, insults and laughter by the fellow
friends he belongs to the same circle. In order to avoid this, he learns and
applies violence. It is clear that his aim is now to confirm his maleness among
those fellow friends, make them happy and pass up their disrespect and blames.
With this, he now better integrates in the group and his peers can accept him
as a trustworthy and real man.
Power: Interviewees said that when
South Kivu men are seeking power, they become violent in the home. Society has
distributed power unfairly by giving it all to men. This situation makes women,
whose power is weak, become more victimised of men's violence. Men resort to
hard power over women who show disobedience and resist their violence. To
illustrate this, respondents argued that a woman may express insubordination
verbally or non verbally
because she feels the weight and the abnormality of the
violence. In fact, a woman responding rudely to her husband or wears indecent
clothes is displaying her weak power, which pushes the husband to use his hard
power. This denotes that men abuse women because of their provocative behaviour
and words that irritate men. The participants argued that no man would accept a
provocative discourse of being nagged or provoked repeatedly by a wife and keep
silence. This situation embarrasses man that he aggresses her. In the
interviewees' opinions, this generates the belief that women are somehow
responsible for their husbands' aggressiveness since they trigger and fuel it;
thus, confirming that women attract abuse on themselves.
But, beyond doubt, men exploit women's submission to assert
their power. Moreover, participants stated that even if some women oppose their
husbands' rules, they cannot forbid the man from asserting power over them.
Therefore, the woman must interiorise man's coercion and consider it as part of
her family life. This point of view makes men argue that no woman can leave a
husband because of his brutality in the home. The woman will keep secretive all
the suffering she undergoes in the home because she fears her husband may
exercise his power on her as retaliation and maybe send her back to her parents
or both.
In order to give more power to man, society has conceived
activities and functions based on gender. Men have their activities and
functions and women have theirs. The same thing applies to some food that is
specific to men and not to women. Disobeying to these social prescriptions
compels the violator to undergo man's sanctions because social norms were not
respected. Disobeying man's authority makes him think his social power is
endangered because these traditions are under his surveillance, which gives him
right to sanction the disobeyer. The participants avowed that social power
imbalance can also be conveyed through the dowry that man pays to the wife's
family as it entitles him with more power, authority and privilege over the
wife. They added that since this bride cost has become expensive, it is now so
hard for some men to pay for it. Those who afford it, do it painfully. Thus,
once married, they will want the wife to pay it back in a way or another, which
explains wife's abuse and exploitation. It is also in this way that men will
make the wife produce many children who, unfortunately, will never be given the
same chance for
education, either at school or at home. So, in the name of
power imbalance based on gender, favour often goes to the boy and the girl
remains discriminated. Thanks to this power, all social and customary
institutions are under man's control and authority.
Masculinity: Interviewees to this
research said that masculinity means that man is not opposed in the home. This
is what motivates South Kivu men to explore their bwanaume (masculinity). In
focus group interviews, respondents admitted that when man feels his maleness
is not accepted, he automatically thinks he is incomplete and his personality
is threatened, which pushes him to resort to violence in order to confirm he is
a real man. Respondents confirmed that men resort to violence because it
conveys the mark of male status. Furthermore, domestic violence does not exist
in a vacuum; it is often associated with a given family relationship. To this
view, respondents revealed that violence in the home means respect and
conformity. These cannot be disconnected from a household relation. However,
the correlation between man and household members must include correction,
which means that domestic violence reflects submission and obedience to man.
The interviewees considered domestic violence as man's pleasure as it depicts
masculinity. In fact, this is the grounds for some men to exercise domestic
violence towards family members, particularly the woman. Although abusers claim
this is their right, domestic violence still remains a human rights
infringement to combat as it impedes the victim's rights.
The respondents in the focus group reiterated that maleness
is use of force when seeking self protection. They argued that men's wish is to
see family members become totally submitted to them. This meant that being
nonviolent in the home would jeopardize man's control, respect and masculinity.
For this reason, the majority of the participants avowed that any man failing
to nurture such feelings would not be regarded as a male.
All in all, the connectivity that exists between masculinity,
power and GBV fosters males' domestic violence. The majority of the
interviewees in this research confirmed that society spreads domestic violence.
They approved that the culture of domestic violence cannot stop in South Kivu
and will extend to future generations as far as society still condones it
though it
is a social plague. However, the point below is dealing with
some ways to address domestic violence for restoring peace in the home.
