By supporting domestic abuse, men in this area gave different
attitudes on the very issue:
Bitu: Man will always correct his wife because he is her
husband. I may not manage well my emotions when I am decided to `touch' on her.
No man hates this; and you, I am sure, you don't. `Correcting' women and
children is not bad at all [claps and whistling in the room but the pastor
shakes his head, tugging at his chin]. Yes, and education...but anger and
reaction are not a matter of education. I am educated but when family members
annoy me, they know. Emotion has no limits and it is not concerned with
education even if educated people don't beat. They return home too late, refuse
financial assistance, etc. Open violence is not good but hidden one can be ok
sometimes. I sustain a man who reacts to evils.
Dira: Women need corrections and this without pity. To
redress a woman is very easy and I can't wait as I am the man. We, uneducated
men, react violently just as anyone who is defending oneself. Even some leaders
are violent in their homes, we all are men and react the same when we are
provoked. But the people who studied do not do exactly as we do. Not the same
but they use other techniques; I can beat for instance, but he will abuse in a
different way.
Dondo: When they disturb me, they expect me to put them
right. It is impossible to tell men to never put right their families who do
not carry out their social duties. This is normal in family life here.
Tongo: Men here should love their wives and if they abuse
them, they should ask for forgiveness. Applying violence to family members
should not be supported, this is abomination. My attitude is that it would not
be good to use violence in the home because the members are united, they are
like one.
Fikiri: There exist many religions here but I have never
seen a woman preaching or reading the mass because they are not allowed to say
the word of God in front of men. And you too, you know that God has no wife and
he has never used women, his son was not married and he had no woman
disciple.
Golo: Fikiri, you are totally wrong. Women can preach but
up to now we do not have those who can do so. When they will be able, they will
be allowed. If they were bad as you think, God would not have created one for
Adam. If they do not preach here, elsewhere they do.
Discussion
The attitudes of South Kivu men who back domestic violence
are contradictory. It seems that the proponents of violent attitudes have
either once been violent or would like to abuse their wives. However, the
attitude of domestic abuse was opposed by some informants in all interviews.
All the participants were men but they did not behave as `men'. Thus, in an
in-depth interview, Golo and Tongo share the same position as they oppose
making family members, particularly the women and children, suffer abuse. Golo
believes that women should not be abused in the home but rather be valued. He
supports that family members should not be held responsible for their husbands'
violent behaviours and that husbands should be able to handle their emotive
attitudes even if they were in a drunken state. Tongo also rejects violence in
the home and for him, this will occur because there is lack of love among the
members. This infers that the abuser may apply violence but he will feel
remorse, which may lead him to apologise. The abuser may be forgiven but the
abuse may reoccur in the following days. The opposers of domestic abuse argued
that `violent attitudes and actions are never unwilling but lack of love
towards the victim.' In fact, this explains the reasons why domestic violence
is cyclic even after the abuser has vowed to never repeat it toward the victim
(Hatari, 1999:75).
During a focus group interview, Dondo does not hesitate to
argue that any family member who fails to do what society requires deserves
correction. It is in this context that Mirindi (2003:48) confirms that some men
assault their wives under the pretext of not respecting their traditional
duties. In the same group, Tongo's position is that it is possible for men to
eschew violence in the home provided that these men do not hide behind social
traditions and customs to infringe voluntarily family members' rights. Cherniac
(2007:73) concludes that men will always develop more coercive attitudes in the
home due to society. The respondents revealed that men applying domestic
violence are not really to blame. To Tongo, both tolerance and forgiveness can
help to bring family members together. This point of view is fundamental since
domestic violence toll in the DRC and particularly in South Kivu province is on
rise (Ruhamya, 2007). All in all, we find that the majority of South Kivu men
who are fond of using violence in their homes are very influenced by the
environment in which they live and they neglect their personal effort to unite
their families.
Domestic violence can be perpetrated by educated as well as
uneducated people. Vuningoma (2003:6) found that applying domestic violence
does not depend on the individual's level of education. The respondents in this
interview agreed that being educated or uneducated, man will always be man. In
the same vein, Bitu adds that even educated people are the most abusive men
because they do not do it openly. Such a category of men have their own way of
abusing wives. South Kivu educated men prefer `clandestine' abuse but the
uneducated commit `open' violence.
In his argument provided in a focus group discussion, Fikiri
admits that in all religions of South Kivu, no woman is a Priest, a Pastor or
an Imam. For him, if churches want men to treat women softly, they must preach
it by examples and not by words. He adds, `I am Catholic but I have never seen
a religious sister say the mass'. Golo, who is a protestant pastor, opposes
this and he believes women do not appear in church services because those who
can do this do not exist in the region.
In addition to the above arguments, Fikiri confirms that what
is worse is that some pastors who should be models `beat their wives, rape and
pregnant the neighbour's daughters'. Paluku (1998:70) underscores that an
individual religious beliefs cannot change completely their violent attitudes
in the home. The Pastor's family members will never leak information about the
violence they live in the home because this would bring shame on the Pastor and
the whole family and culminate in his exclusion from his church, which
ultimately will engender more suffering than violence in the home because the
church in the DRC and South Kivu in particular has become the source of
financial resource that feeds families. Besides, the Pastor's excommunication
may create more conflict in the church and this may lead to hatred and even
open fight.
